:)

Checked my inbox this am...this email stood out...

Subject line: :)
Content: :)

Really? I mean really? What, are we in second grade? So of course I replied...

With this: :(

Maybe we'll just send emoticons back and forth. This could be fun. NOT.

Bisexual

Email from today: Would you date a guy that's bisexual?

Ummm...never really thought about it I guess?

No, wait, I have. I'm gonna go with no on that one. Then I have to worry about you cheating on me with a girl AND a guy? No thanks.

My first "gift"

So I was pretty stoked when I checked my inbox and saw I had my first gift! It was a smiley face :)

Really? You had to purchase a smiley face? Cuz a colon and a parentheses wouldn't suffice obviously.

In rough economic times like these I'm looking for a frugile man. Buying stuff you can get for free does not equal frugile.

Showing off my ASSets

I've kept my photos rather 'modest' to say the least but I was getting bored and decided to spice it up. So I posted this. All I can say is GREAT SUCCESS!

I checked my inbox and started reading an email titled 'Please Read.'

"I just wanted to tell you that you have an amazing ass and it should be a goal for you and anyone to hold."

A goal? Really? No amount of compliments on my tush is gonna get you further then me laughing mine off :)

Never POF while drunk, just sayin'.

I had spent a gorgeously drunken day at Miller Park complete with an ass kickin' of the Cubs when I heard some news about douchebag that left me a little down in the dumps.

So I did what any drunken, lonely woman would do, logged on POF. I also convinced this lovely but intoxicated lady to do the same.

So next thing you know I'm giving my number out to men whose beauty could only be seen through that of beer goggles.

Then I got vindictive.

Countless emails I've received, from men of all ages, have simply sent "hi there." Beyond annoying. I decided to target the forty and older population (oddly most were single Dads) and let them know what I thought of thier attempts...

"Really? I mean really? You send me  'hi there' and expect that to interest me?! Ha, good luck with that one! If you would ever like a response back from any woman I suggest you work on your opening. Just sayin'."

Of course I had to throw a just sayin' in there.

So after my rant I pass out texting these supposed good looking poffers (I didn't even attempt to save their numbers), feeling like I did the world of online dating a service, if you will.

Then I woke up. Fully prepared to be called the 'C' word from every single one of these men. Not a chance.

"You're right...I'm sorry....You deserve so much better than that...let's start over...let me try again."

WHAT?!

So then I felt bad. Spent the next day giving each of them "their second chance" via email.

Never, I repeat, NEVER POF while drunk. Just don't.

Headline

When first creating my POF profile I knew I needed a catchy headline. I didn't want to come across as desperate, scorned, etc. I just wanted to come across as me!
I'd like to think I have a decent sense of humor, so I wanted a funny headline. We all have one question come to mind in regards to online dating. What do I tell my friends and family? I can't tell them I met him online! And that is where my headline was born- We'll Just Lie And Say We Met In Vegas.

A good headline can really spark some interest. And it's proven to be the ice breaker in many situations.

Usually these losers will start off with "Your headline is hilarious!" or my personal favorite "You wanna go to Vegas right now?" Oh yea, let me grab my mace and I'll meet you at Caesars Palace. What a tool...I've gotten a few "I'd rather meet you in Wisconsin." Really? Cuz that would just be all too convenient...I repeat, tools.

What are some headlines I've run across..."Just Looking" (cuz you'd be on here if you weren't??). "Women that don't play games please!" (yea good luck with that one buddy...although I thought the please at the end was polite). Then you have some genuine ones "Good sense of humor, athletic,freespirit."

Oh the dreaded headline...

Un-effn-believable

A friend of mine sent me a message via facebook chat the other day. It went a little something like this...:

Dude: Hey!

Me: What up!

Dude: We are having some nice-ish weather!

Me: I know!

Dude: Alright, now onto the real question...are you still single and if so would you be interested in meeting a friend of mine?

Blah, blah, blah...I ask the routine questions; how old, what does he do, etc.

Dude: He's def good looking.

Me: Well looks aren't everything! How's his personality?

(see I told you it's not all looks!)

Dude: He can be a little bitchy at times but otherwise he's cool.

I'll spare you the remainder of the convo. Trusting this somewhat good friend of mine, I took down his number and decided what the heck! I texted him...

Me: Hey! Is this _______?

Dude: Yes, whose this?

Me: _____ friend Sara. He said I should get to know you, lol.

Dude: Lol, hi, how old are you?

Me: 12. But I'm REALLY mature for my age...

(a few minutes pass)

Me: No but really, I'm 24, you?

Dude: 27, send me a pic.

Woah, woah, WOAH. Hold up mister. "Send me a pic?" A little demanding aren't we??

Me: Ok...but then it's your turn.

Dude: Of course my dear.

Call me weird, but I get really turned off by guys who start with pet names right off the bat- strike one.

Although he did have precent decent grammar. So I scratched the strike.

(pic sent)

Dude: Aw, you're really pretty!

Me: Well thanks! So what's your story?

Dude: 27, manager, I love the smell of clean laundry, I have a three year old son, and I hate the sound of vaccuum cleaners.

Hmmm...ok. I can respect that. I think? Not so much into men with children but we'll see where this goes. Still waiting on pic.

(incoming picture)

...

I literally dropped my phone. I recognized the picture INSTANTLY. It was some dude from POF who had messaged me numerous times and I hate flat out rejected. No effn way.

GO FIGURE. And you wanna know the worst part? He sent me the same pic as his profile picture from POF. (slow clap...)

Needless to say I'm definitely NOT interesting.

Dude: So what's your story

(I don't respond)

(a few minutes pass)

Dude: Tell me something interesting about you right now Sara!

Needless to say, I did not respond. And bitchy sometimes? Well friend, you nailed that one on the head!

I'm doomed I tell you. I can't meet men online and then when a friend of all people attempts to set me up it's with a man I already rejected. Ouch.